ive never talked about this on tumblr before because i always felt like its just too much and complicated and ridiculous. irl there arent many people who know anyways. not because i dont want people to know, but because its such a heavy thing to get into. im letting this all out now so that its out there and maybe ill feel slightly less burdened by it.
back in 2010 my mom suffered a stroke (mentioned this on here before) and she was only like 45 or around that age. it was pretty fucked up especially because it happened while we were in the car
when the paramedics arrived my mom despite not being able to talk by that point refused to let them take her into the ambulance. it was frustrating everyone and i was honestly like what the fuck. eventually they managed to take her to the hospital and from there on not only did i realize why she refused to go to the hospital but i also realized my life was such a lie
at the hospital no one could find my moms health card. It turned out that she didnt actually have one because she doesnt have status in canada. she apparently overstayed her visa before i was even born. it just makes people wonder why the fuck would someone do that to themselves. but it did explain a lot. it explained why i always felt like a scapegoat, it explained why we continued to stay with her emotionally abusive family for years after her and my dad separated, it explained why she suffered a stroke at such an early age. it just kind of blows my mind that i never saw this, despite noticing how certain things in my life were questionable.
my mom fortunately survived the stroke and legal aid is dealing with her case. Meanwhile she has been staying in a non profit type housing for people who need assistance.
she tells me now that she never went thru with applying for status in the last 20 yrs because she had an irrational fear of being deported despite not having any health problems back then or criminal record
i dont know what to believe or think, to be honest. for the past 4 years ive been feeling extremely frustrated about this entire thing that i pretty much block it out and do my own thing. i was still in high school when it happened and was forced to live with my dad but i moved out as soon as i could after realizing that i would lose what was left of my sanity if i stayed with him any longer. i didnt want to be around any of my family and i still kind of dont. i may seem selfish or shitty for not wanting to even be around my mom very much but i honestly cant deal because there isnt much for me to say. it is what it is
3 Hrs away from the city ugh too early for this
praying to based god i can get tmr off
i could rly use some tequila rn
Idk how people chill in groups of like 8
Theres too much going on and its overwhelming
i hate the things i tell myself